A Ghost Emerges from the Electronic Ether

A couple of weeks ago I stopped at my parents to borrow my dad’s reciprocating saw to use while we were taking down a chain link fence in my backyard. My mom told me that a woman named Marilyn called and asked if I still lived there, if my parents saw me very much, and then if I still lived in the state. She claimed to be a friend of mine from college, but wouldn’t leave a telephone number and my mom didn’t want to give my telephone number away. The problem was that I never knew a Marilyn in college, at least not that I could recall.

In the back of my head I theorized that it could be my old girlfriend, Madeleine. I started dating her when I was nineteen and in my second year of community college. She was a high school senior that worked with me at a fast food restaurant. Ten years later it’s a little difficult to remember all of the details, but as I recall Madeleine was a party girl that was running from a lot of demons. She never knew her father and her mom—who I liked very much—had a series of unstable relationships with men. Madeleine was a binge drinker who had experimented with drugs, including meth. I still don’t know how we hooked up, but after she had a traumatic event happen to her she made some serious decisions about changing her life. We started dating in January of 1995.

She was my first serious girlfriend. I had gone out on a few dates in high school, but I was really immature, physically and emotionally at that time; I hadn’t even kissed a girl by the ripe old age of nineteen. Our relationship was very intense and all-consuming. We spent a lot of time together. By the summer we were quite inseparable and very much in love.

She started college in Washington that fall and I returned to community college with only a few more credits needed before I would transfer to a four year university. Eventually the plan was that I would transfer to her college and join her in Washington. But by the spring of 1996 she was going through another major change. She had become a born again Christian and it was having a profound impact on her choices and her relationship with me. Without dragging out all of the painful details we (she) decided to end the relationship. It really broke my heart. She came home for a few months over the summer and we nearly got back together, but the last time I saw her was that summer.

We exchanged a few more letters and a couple more telephone calls, but it became very clear that her life had become very different and there wasn’t a place for me in it. Several months later I would start dating the woman who was to become Ms. stu, but truthfully I probably didn’t recover from the breakup with Madeleine for another year. I never heard from Madeleine again.

Yesterday I got an e-mail at my work’s general e-mail address that was directed to me. It was from Madeleine. I guess with the mysterious telephone call I was half expecting the e-mail, but it still caught me by surprise. The e-mail was rather cryptic as she wasn’t sure if it was directed to me, or if someone else would be reading it. She said she had been thinking about me, wanted to apologize for the way our relationship ended and asked me to write to her and tell her what I was up to.

My relationship with Ms. stu is incredibly strong, so I wasn’t worried about any illicit offers to hook up or stirring up any old feelings. So I e-mailed her back and told her what I had been up to in the last nine years—school, work, marriage. She responded and told me that she was married too and had a daughter and was currently living in Michigan after three years in California. But she was still guarded with the information and said that the story of her marriage and child were intimately wrapped up in the story of our breakup. If that didn’t peak my curiosity I’m not sure what would. What bothers me so much was she seems real sad. She never said anything about disappointments, or unhappiness, but I sensed something. I e-mailed back and told her she could talk to me if she wanted, but I would leave that to her.

What will come of this?